When I was pregnant with my first son, I remember hearing about the importance of preparing for postpartum and breastfeeding. I took a few free online classes that came with my pump, but it all seemed simple and intuitive. How hard could it be? Isn’t it natural?
Unfortunately, I was completely caught off-guard by the reality of life with a newborn. My milk supply was low, so I was triple-feeding (nursing, pumping, then feeding the expressed milk) all day long. It was overwhelming. As determined as I was to exclusively breastfeed, there were times when I was ready to just give up. After that experience, I understood why other moms chose formula – I was so close to doing that myself.
However, I’m so glad I didn’t give up on breastfeeding. Almost 3 years later (with a bit of a break during my next pregnancy), it’s still such a special, albeit quite sporadic, part of my relationship with him. Now, with another newborn and plenty of hindsight, there are some things I wish I could tell my past self.
It won’t be like this forever.
Whatever “this” is, it will change. Every phase is short when you look back, but long when you’re in the thick of it. Sometimes, the only fix is time!
It’s so bittersweet. The difficult things eventually slip away, often without you realizing it. But so do the sweet and beautiful moments. It can be hard to enjoy the particularly hard seasons, but do make an effort to find that silver lining.
Don’t quit when it’s dark outside.
You’re up in the middle of the night, the baby is crying, and it all feels so hard. Ask any mom – we’ve been there. However, that is not the moment to give up. Wait until morning. See how you feel when the sun is up. I can’t explain it, but somehow, the light just made it feel more doable.
In the darkness, know that you aren’t alone. So many other moms are awake with you, soothing their babies. And, most beautifully, these incredible prayer warrior Norbertine Sisters wake up in the middle of every night observe a “motherhood hour, ” where they pray specifically for all the exhausted moms. Even now, I tear up when I think about those beautiful nuns and their prayers for me!
It won’t always feel so all-consuming.
You’re learning to breastfeed for the first time. So is your baby. It might be natural, but it’s still a skill for both of you. And newborns can’t do anything by themselves! It’s okay to be stuck in bed or on the sofa nursing all day in those early weeks. That rest is good for you too, mama. Set up a “nursing station” with a water bottle and snacks, and give yourself permission to slow down.
As you heal and your baby gets older and stronger, you’ll find that they can latch themselves and it will start to feel like second nature. With my first, I was glued to the sofa with a breastfeeding pillow strapped around me for weeks. Now, after a few weeks of resting in bed with my second, I’ve cooked, cleaned, chased a toddler, and shopped Costco, all while nursing. You’ll get the hang of it and it will feel easy someday.
It will be easier and faster than bottle-feeding someday.
At first, it may seem easier to give a bottle of formula – especially if you’re exhausted and want someone else to feed the baby for once. However, unless there’s a medical reason to give formula, keep the future in mind and protect your supply (so, if you do give a bottle, make sure you pump).
Babies get pretty good at nursing within a few months. At that point, direct breastfeeding becomes the significantly easier option! It’s always available, ready to drink, and at the perfect temperature. It doesn’t require you to clean bottles or have sterile water on hand. You don’t need to carry any extra stuff (the diaper bag is already full enough). And it’s significantly cheaper than formula!
Your supply will improve with each successive pregnancy.
The breasts develop more milk ducts every pregnancy, so even if you struggle with low supply with your first baby, it’s far less likely to be a problem next time.
Obviously, that doesn’t solve it for this baby. However, learning this gave me a lot of peace. So many of my difficulties with transitioning to motherhood the first time was due to a milk supply that just barely met my baby’s needs. For months, it felt like we were always nursing, with a very few short breaks. Now, with my second, oversupply has been more of a problem and he actually does tend to go 2-3 hours between feedings – and I count my blessings every time!
Stop looking at the clock.
You’ve probably heard that most breastfed babies nurse every 2-3 hours for 15-20 minutes. That’s an average. Your baby might nurse like clockwork, but most don’t.
With my first, I (half) joked that he nursed for an hour, every hour. Breastfeeding was a full-time job, and my tracking app had the evidence to show for it. I could tell you when I started the last feed and how long he spent on each side.
But watching the clock distracted me from watching his cues and ultimately led to more stress.
With my second, I haven’t used a tracking app. It has been so much easier and more blissful! Permission granted to just breastfeed.
That being said, if your baby is struggling to gain weight (like my first), some tracking is useful for showing a lactation consultant to diagnose the source of the issue. However, if your baby is gaining weight well, just feed your baby when they start showing signs of wanting to nurse. Sometimes they’re hungry. Sometimes they’re tired. Sometimes they just want you. Which brings me to my next point…
Breast milk fixes everything.
Okay, maybe not everything but it can fix a whole lot. Our usual process for soothing a fussy baby is to first change their diaper, then to nurse. In general, that’s all they need. Of course, breast milk is food. But it’s also comfort. You aren’t being used as a pacifier – the pacifier is trying to be you.
Breast milk is also incredible for boosting your baby/toddler’s immune system when they catch a cold because your body produces antibodies for any pathogens in their saliva. You can squirt a little milk on a cut to help it heal. It can also clear up rashes, moisten dry skin, or even help to heal your own cracked nipples (but still speak to a lactation consultant if you’re struggling with pain when nursing). And when they start to walk, fall, and split their lip open, nursing puts pressure on the perfect spot to stop the bleeding and the crying in no time.
Breast milk – what isn’t it good for?
Share your breastfeeding encouragement for new moms in the comments below!
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